|Good Morning GlobalEducation100@gmail.com! |
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from Joke-Master.com for today!:
(Category: One Liners)
"Hey, Whats the deal with the bowl of $20.00 bills?"
The Bartender says "That's our little contest. If you win the contest then you get the bowl of $20.00 bills."
"OK" says the man. "How do I get into this contest?"
"Well" said the bartender, "You have to put $20.00 in the bowl to enter, and then there are 3 things that you have to do."
"What are these things?" said the man.
"Well first" the bartender said, "You see that bouncer over there in the corner? You have to walk over there and knock him out with one punch."
"Wow", said the man. "I'm a pretty small guy, I don't know if I could do that. Ok, what's the second thing?"
"OK", said the bartender. "The second thing you have to do is this. You see that door over there? Behind it is a huge pitbull that has a bad tooth. You have to go back in there and pull that tooth out of the pitbull's mouth."
"Jesus", said the man. "That sounds like a lot. I don't think I could do that. Just for kicks, what's the third thing?"
"Well", said the bartender, "The last thing is this.... Upstairs in room 3 is an old woman that hasn't had any in a long time. You would have to go up there and have your way with her."
"Wow", said the man... "This is too much for anyone... Let me have a drink."
After about 5 drinks the man starts to feel differently about the contest and turns to the bartender and says "Hey buddy, I'd like to try this contest."
He then throws a $20.00 bill into the bowl, gets up, walks over to the bouncer and decks him with one punch. The bouncer was out cold. The bartender looks on in amazement.
The man then heads over to the room where the pitbull is and goes in the door and closes it behind him. Loud screaming and barking can be heard throughout the bar, and finally the man walks out the door, bloody and clothes torn. He looks at the bartender and says
"OK, now where's that broad with the bad tooth?"
(Category: Nasty/Tasteless Jokes)
- So people can read her lips.
I Blame Microsoft
Idiots Buy Me
Idiots Building Machines
I'll Buy Macintoshes
It Bit Me
It Built Microsoft
It's Better Manually
I've Been Mislead
I've Been Mugged
Well, It Never Does Operate With Speed
When I Need Data Output Without Speed
While Idle, Needs DX or WorkStation
Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
Whoppingly Immense NOP
Worm Infestation Netware
MS-WINDOWS NT / WINDOWS NT
My Solitaire With Its New De-accelerator, Only With Some Network Technology
Well Intended, Netword De-accelerator, Only Works Sometimes, Never Totally
WINDOWS (as a) Network Trojan
Different Operating Systems Expectations
Macintosh: What You See Is What You Get
MS-DOS: You Asked For It, You Got It
UNIX: IfUHv2sk, UDntWnt2Kno
VMS: You Got It, All Of It, Want It Or Not
Random Abbreviations for Many Computer Companies
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
DEC: Dump Everything and Close
DEC: Do Expect Cuts
HCL: Hilarious Computer Logic
HP: Hot Pursuit
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
MAC: Most Absurd Computer
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
NEXT: Now EXchange for Trash
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too.
WARP: What A Rot Program
Acronymns for Other Computer Terms:
AMIGA: A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
BASIC: Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
DOS: Defective Operating System
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
LISP: Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
PENTIUM: Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
SCSI: System Can't See It
WWW: World Wide Wait
Thank you for subscribing to the Joke-Master.com Email List!
If you wish to remove yourself from this list, please reply to this email with the subject line "REMOVE:"
-The Joke Master