Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Joke-Master.com :: Your Daily Jokes for - Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009

Joke Master! Good Morning GlobalEducation100@gmail.com!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from Joke-Master.com for today!:

(Category: One Liners)
The world does not revolve on an axis.

(Category: Miscellaneous)
A man walks into a bar and walks up to the bar and sits down. He notices a big bowl sitting on the table behind the counter that full of $20.00 bills. He says to the bartender...

"Hey, Whats the deal with the bowl of $20.00 bills?"

The Bartender says "That's our little contest. If you win the contest then you get the bowl of $20.00 bills."

"OK" says the man. "How do I get into this contest?"

"Well" said the bartender, "You have to put $20.00 in the bowl to enter, and then there are 3 things that you have to do."

"What are these things?" said the man.

"Well first" the bartender said, "You see that bouncer over there in the corner? You have to walk over there and knock him out with one punch."

"Wow", said the man. "I'm a pretty small guy, I don't know if I could do that. Ok, what's the second thing?"

"OK", said the bartender. "The second thing you have to do is this. You see that door over there? Behind it is a huge pitbull that has a bad tooth. You have to go back in there and pull that tooth out of the pitbull's mouth."

"Jesus", said the man. "That sounds like a lot. I don't think I could do that. Just for kicks, what's the third thing?"

"Well", said the bartender, "The last thing is this.... Upstairs in room 3 is an old woman that hasn't had any in a long time. You would have to go up there and have your way with her."

"Wow", said the man... "This is too much for anyone... Let me have a drink."

After about 5 drinks the man starts to feel differently about the contest and turns to the bartender and says "Hey buddy, I'd like to try this contest."

He then throws a $20.00 bill into the bowl, gets up, walks over to the bouncer and decks him with one punch. The bouncer was out cold. The bartender looks on in amazement.

The man then heads over to the room where the pitbull is and goes in the door and closes it behind him. Loud screaming and barking can be heard throughout the bar, and finally the man walks out the door, bloody and clothes torn. He looks at the bartender and says

"OK, now where's that broad with the bad tooth?"

(Category: Nasty/Tasteless Jokes)
Why does Helen Keller wear tight pants?
- So people can read her lips.

(Category: Miscellaneous)
There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally became pregnant, and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?" The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time"!

(Category: Miscellaneous)
Humorous Computer-Related Acronyms


I Blame Microsoft

Idiots Buy Me

Idiots Building Machines

I'll Buy Macintoshes

It Bit Me

It Built Microsoft

It's Better Manually

I've Been Mislead

I've Been Mugged


Well, It Never Does Operate With Speed

When I Need Data Output Without Speed

While Idle, Needs DX or WorkStation

Will Install Needless Data On Whole System


Whoppingly Immense NOP

Worm Infestation Netware


My Solitaire With Its New De-accelerator, Only With Some Network Technology

Well Intended, Netword De-accelerator, Only Works Sometimes, Never Totally

WINDOWS (as a) Network Trojan

Different Operating Systems Expectations

Macintosh: What You See Is What You Get

MS-DOS: You Asked For It, You Got It

UNIX: IfUHv2sk, UDntWnt2Kno

VMS: You Got It, All Of It, Want It Or Not

Random Abbreviations for Many Computer Companies

APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

DEC: Dump Everything and Close

DEC: Do Expect Cuts

HCL: Hilarious Computer Logic

HP: Hot Pursuit

IBM: I Blame Microsoft

MAC: Most Absurd Computer

MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

NEXT: Now EXchange for Trash

OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too.

WARP: What A Rot Program

Acronymns for Other Computer Terms:

AMIGA: A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

BASIC: Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

DOS: Defective Operating System

ISDN: It Still Does Nothing

LISP: Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis

MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

PENTIUM: Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics

SCSI: System Can't See It

WWW: World Wide Wait


Thank you for subscribing to the Joke-Master.com Email List!

If you wish to remove yourself from this list, please reply to this email with the subject line "REMOVE:"
-The Joke Master

No comments:

Post a Comment