Friday, September 24, 2010

Joke-Master.com :: Your Weekly Jokes for - Friday, September 24th, 2010

Joke Master! Good Morning GlobalEducation100@gmail.com!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from Joke-Master.com for this week!:
     

#1
(Category: Funny Quotes)
"It's like deja vu all over again."
- Yogi Berra





#2
(Category: Murphy's Law)
Murphy's Laws of Love

Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.





#3
(Category: Idiot Jokes)
A big group of hunters were in the middle of the jungle and decided to split into smaller groups. Four fools decided to form one of the smaller groups and started walking.

After a while, one of them realized they were quite far away from the main group, and that they couldn't possibly find the way back. One of the other fools says to the other three: "I've heard that whenever you can't find your group, what you have to do is to shoot three times to the air and wait for someone to find you" They shoot three times to the air, wait a while, but nothing happens. So they shoot three more times to the air but, again, no one comes to help them. After trying three shots more the fool says: "I hope this time someone can find us... that was my last arrow"





#4
(Category: Political Jokes)
Bill Clinton goes to Hillary and asks her to go to Zimbabwe with him.

"Hell, no!" she tells him. I'd rather suck your dick than go to that dirty, smelly, third world country."

So she sucks his dick. When she's done she says, "Bill, your dick stinks."

"Yeah," he says. "Al Gore didn't want to go either."





#5
(Category: Blonde Jokes)
Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?

They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.




 

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Friday, September 17, 2010

Joke-Master.com :: Your Weekly Jokes for - Friday, September 17th, 2010

Joke Master! Good Morning GlobalEducation100@gmail.com!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from Joke-Master.com for this week!:
     

#1
(Category: Funny Quotes)
"Computers let you make more mistakes faster than anything except handguns and tequila..."
- Mitch Ratcliffe





#2
(Category: Miscellaneous)
What should you say if he asks you "Am I your first"? "You might be - you look familiar"




#3
(Category: Miscellaneous)
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? - Because she gets a frog stuck in her throat at 69.




#4
(Category: Miscellaneous)
Once upon a time Nasa decided to send 3 astronauts to space for 2 years. One was American, One was Russian and the other was English. NASA allowed each of them to take 200 pounds of baggage each. The American decided to take along his wife, the Englishman decided to take along books to learn how to speak German whilst the Russian decided to take along cigarettes. Two years later, when the space shuttle landed, there was a big crowd waiting to welcome them home. First came the American and his wife and each of them had a baby in their arms. Next came the Englishman speaking fluent German. They both gave their speeches and got a rousing round of applause. Suddenly, out came the Russian with a cigarette in his mouth. He walked up to the podium, snarled at the crowd, and asked "Has anyone got a friggin' match?"




#5
(Category: Funny Quotes)
One more drink and I'd be under the host.
- Parker




 

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Friday, September 10, 2010

Joke-Master.com :: Your Weekly Jokes for - Friday, September 10th, 2010

Joke Master! Good Morning GlobalEducation100@gmail.com!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from Joke-Master.com for this week!:
     

#1
(Category: Miscellaneous)
What's the definition of lawyer?

The larval form of a politician.




#2
(Category: Funny Quotes)
Get a shot off fast. This upsets him long enough to let you make your second shot perfect.

- Lazarus Long





#3
(Category: Animal Jokes)
Mother rabbit to her small bunny:
"A magician pulled you out of a hat. Now stop asking questions."




#4
(Category: Miscellaneous)
Why do Jewish Women go for circumcised men? Because they can't refuse anything with 10% off.




#5
(Category: Miscellaneous)
A guy walks into a bar holding three ducks. He sets them on the bar and orders a drink. After talking with the bartender for a while, the man excuses himself to use the restroom.

The bartender feel a tad awkward with just himself and three ducks at the bar, so he decides to make small talk with them.

He asks the first duck, "What's your name?"

"Huey," replies the duck.

"So, how's your day been?"

"Oh, I've had a great day," replies Huey. "I've been in and out of puddles all day."

The bartender asks the second duck, "What's your name?"

"Duey," replies the duck.

"So, how's your day been?"

"Oh, I've had a great day," replies Duey. "I've been in and out of puddles all day."

The witty bartender says to the third duck, "So I guess your name is Louie?"

The duck replies, "No, I'm Puddles."



 

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Friday, September 3, 2010

Joke-Master.com :: Your Weekly Jokes for - Friday, September 3rd, 2010

Joke Master! Good Morning GlobalEducation100@gmail.com!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from Joke-Master.com for this week!:
     

#1
(Category: Political Jokes)
No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the Legislature is in session.




#2
(Category: Dirty Jokes)
Why do women like hunters?
  1. They go deep into the bush
  2. They always shoot twice
  3. They always eat what they shoot





#3
(Category: Political Jokes)
I heard that one of Pat Buchanan's relatives died at Auschwitz.

Evidently he fell out of the guard tower.





#4
(Category: Miscellaneous)
Two sisters lived together, and one became quite ill. Actually
her doctor told her she had but a short time to live. She spoke
to her sister and said, "Jennie, when I die and you put up a
gravestone. I want you to inscribe it just the way I tell you.
"I want them to put my name on it and underneath":

"BORN A VIRGIN"
"LIVED A VIRGIN"
"DIED A VIRGIN"

She died shortly thereafter, and Jennie went to the maker
of tombstones and explained what inscription she wanted. The
gravestone maker told her that there were simply too many
words to be put on a headstone.

Jennie complained that those words were her sisters dying
request and the gravestone maker reassured her that he would
see what he could do.

In about a month the gravestone maker called Jennie and told
her the tombstone was ready, and that he had complied with her
dead sisters wishes as best as he could. Jennie looked at the
tombstone and across the top was her sister's name just as she
had asked, and underneath that was printed:

RETURNED--UNOPENED




#5
(Category: Miscellaneous)
A guy walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of Jack Daniels and slams them all down in a flash. He looks at the bartender and orders 3 more and does the same thing. By now the bartender is wondering what is wrong with this guy so he asks him what his problem is. The guy looks up and says " I don't have a problem, I'm celebrating my first blow job!" The bartender looks with a smile and says," well that's just dandy, let me get the next one!" "No thanks", says the guy, "if 6 shots won't wash the taste out, the 7th won't help either!!!"



 

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