Monday, June 8, 2009 :: Your Daily Jokes for - Monday, June 8th, 2009

Joke Master! Good Morning!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from for today!:

(Category: Dirty Jokes)
What do you call Alaskan Lesbians?

(Category: Miscellaneous)
One cold December day, a Scottish tourist in France decided to find out if the natives were as tight as he had heard. He stopped at a house, told the woman of the house he was freezing to death, and was invited to come in and warm himself at the hearth.

Once inside, he complained of being thirsty. The woman handed him an enormous white crockery mug filled with milk. After taking a big swig, the impulsive guest exclaimed, "This is sweet and fresh ... you are most generous!"

She replied modestly, "It's nothing. My family wouldn't drink that milk because we found a dead rat in it."

Sick to his stomach, the Scot clapped both hands over his mouth, allowing the huge mug to fall to the floor and shatter on the stone.

The Frenchwoman grabbed her broom, raised it high in the air, brought it down on the visitor's head, and hollered, "Get out, you ungrateful pig! I take you in my home, I let you share my fire, I give you milk to drink ... and now you repay my kindness by breaking the children's potty!"

(Category: Miscellaneous)
Why cant blondes tell knock knock jokes? Because, they always leave to answer the door...

(Category: Miscellaneous)


"Tomorrow evening at approximately 2000 hours Halley's Comet will be visible in this area; an event which occurs only every 75 years. Have the men fall out in the battalion area in fatigues, and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the men in the theater and I will show them films of it."


"By order of the Colonel, tomorrow at 2000 hours, Halley's Comet will appear above the battalion area. If it rains, fall the men out in fatigues, then march to the theater where this rare phenomenon will take place, something which occurs only once every 75 years."


"By order of the Colonel be in fatigues at 2000 hours tomorrow evening. The phenomenal Halley's Comet will appear in the theater. In case of rain in the battalion area, the Colonel will give another order, something which occurs once every 75 years."


"Tomorrow at 2000 hours, the Colonel will appear in the theater with Halley's comet, something which happens every 75 years. If it rains, the Colonel will order the comet into the battalion area."


"When it rains tomorrow at 2000 hours, the phenomenal 75-year-old General Halley, accompanied by the Colonel, will drive his comet through the battalion area theater in fatigues."

(Category: Miscellaneous)
Did you hear about the long delays on the golf course outside Washington, DC?

Seems like there was a foursome playing that was taking forever to get around the course. The group consisted of Monica Lewinski, OJ Simpson, Ted Kennedy, and Bill Clinton. According to observers, the problems they were having were attributable to typical problems faced by the novice golfer.

Monica is a hooker, OJ is a slicer, Kennedy cannot drive over water, and Clinton is never sure which hole he is supposed to be playing.


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