Saturday, May 30, 2009 :: Your Daily Jokes for - Saturday, May 30th, 2009

Joke Master! Good Morning!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from for today!:

(Category: Miscellaneous)
What is the definition of ultimate rejection? Your hand falling asleep while masturbating.

(Category: Political Jokes)
Uncle Sam and Osama decided to settle the whole war with a dogfight. They would each have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog and whoever's dog won would dominate the world. Osama found the meanest Doberman females in the world and bred them with the meanest wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog ever. When the day came for the big dogfight, Uncle Sam showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9-foot long Dachshund. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and slowly waddled over toward Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American dog--but when it got close to the American dog, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and ate Osama's dog whole. Osama said,

(Category: Miscellaneous)
An American tourist was riding in a taxi in Israel. As the taxi approached a red light, the tourist was shocked to see the driver drive straight through without even slowing down.

Surprised as he was, he didn't say anything feeling himself a "guest" and not wanting to make waves. The trip continued without event until the next intersection. This time the light was green and, to the American's dismay, the cab driver brought the vehicle to a grinding halt. Unable to contain his astonishment, he turns to the driver:

"Listen", he says, "when you went through the red light, I didn't say anything. But, why, in heaven's name, are you stopping at a green light?!"

The Israeli driver looks at him as if the American was deranged:

"Are you crazy?!", he shouts. "The other guy has a red light -- do you want to get us killed?!"

(Category: Funny Quotes)
"I think a secure profession for young people is history teacher, because in the future, there will be so much more of it to teach."
- Bill Muse

(Category: Political Jokes)
Top 10 signs your presidential candidate is under-qualified


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