Joke-Master.com :: Your Daily Jokes for - Saturday, May 2nd, 2009

Good Morning GlobalEducation100@gmail.com! You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from Joke-Master.com for today!:

	#1 (Category: Miscellaneous) A man is on the first hole of a snooty golf course getting ready to hit his ball. He stands near the red tee, sets up, and gets ready to hit when he hears a voice over the loudspeaker say, "Will the gentleman please step back to the Men's Tee." He ignores the voice, and gets ready to hit again. Just as he starts to swing, he hears the voice again: "Will the gentleman please step back to the Men's Tee." He tries to ignore it again, but it repeats: "Will the gentleman please step back to the Men's Tee." So the man looks toward the starters booth and yells, "Will you just shut up and let me take my fucking second shot?" #2 (Category: Miscellaneous) Yo mama got one eye and one leg, they call the bitch (ihop). #3 (Category: Miscellaneous) On the first day of Christmas my vendor gave to me: A bug fix for Windows NT. On the second day of Christmas my vendor gave to me: Two more SCSI drives; And a bug fix for Windows NT. On the third day of Christmas my vendor gave to me: Three more months of waiting; Two more SCSI drives; And a bug fix for Windows NT. On the fourth day of Christmas my vendor gave to me: Four new API's; Three more months of waiting; Two more SCSI drives; And a bug fix for Windows NT. On the fifth day of Christmas my vendor gave to me: Five tons of manuals; Four new API's; Three more months of waiting; Two more SCSI drives; And a bug fix for Windows NT. On the sixth day of Christmas my vendor gave to me: Six hidden features; Five tons of manuals; Four new API's; Three more months of waiting; Two more SCSI drives; And a bug fix for Windows NT. On the seventh day of Christmas my vendor gave to me: Seven minor upgrades; Six hidden features; Five tons of manuals; Four new API's; Three more months of waiting; Two more SCSI drives; And a bug fix for Windows NT. On the eighth day of Christmas my vendor gave to me: Eight more megs of RAM; Seven minor upgrades; Six hidden features; Five tons of manuals; Four new API's; Three more months of waiting; Two more SCSI drives; And a bug fix for Windows NT. On the ninth day of Christmas my vendor gave to me: Nine brand new standards; Eight more megs of RAM; Seven minor upgrades; Six hidden features; Five tons of manuals; Four new API's; Three more months of waiting; Two more SCSI drives; And a bug fix for Windows NT. On the tenth day of Christmas my vendor gave to me: Ten more Megahertz; Nine brand new standards; Eight more megs of RAM; Seven minor upgrades; Six hidden features; Five tons of manuals; Four new API's; Three more months of waiting; Two more SCSI drives; And a bug fix for Windows NT. On the eleventh day of Christmas my vendor gave to me: Eleven acronyms; Ten more Megahertz; Nine brand new standards; Eight more megs of RAM; Seven minor upgrades; Six hidden features; Five tons of manuals; Four new API's; Three more months of waiting; Two more SCSI drives; And a bug fix for Windows NT. On the twelfth day of Christmas my vendor gave to me: Twelve days to set up; Eleven acronyms; Ten more Megahertz; Nine brand new standards; Eight more megs of RAM; Seven minor upgrades; Six hidden features; Five tons of manuals; Four new API's; Three more months of waiting; Two more SCSI drives; And a bug fix for Windows NT. #4 (Category: Miscellaneous) It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course, and I was beginning my pre-shot routine on #1, visualizing my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker. "Would the gentleman on the Ladies Tee back up to the Men's Tee, please!!" I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement--"Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S Tee kindly back up to the Men's Tee." I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the mike and shouted back, "Would the person in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot?!" #5 (Category: Miscellaneous) How do I know that my youth is all spent? Well, my get up and go has got up and went. But in spite of it all I am able to grin when I recall where my get up has been. Old age is golden-so I've heard it said- but sometimes I wonder when I get into bed, with my ears in a drawer and my teeth in a cup, my eyes on the table until I wake up. Ere sleep dims my eyes I say to myself, "Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?" And I'm happy to say as I close my door, my friends are the same, perhaps even more. When I was young, my slippers were red, I could pick up my heels right over my head. When I grew older, my slippers were blue, but still I could dance the whole night through. But now I am old, my slippers are black, I walk to the store and puff my way back. The reason I know my youth is all spent, my get up and go has got up and went. But I really don't mind when I think, with a grin, of all the grand places my get up has been. Since I have retired from life's competition, I accommodate myself with complete repetition. I get up each morning, and dust off my wits, pick up my paper and read the "obits". If my name is missing, I know I'm not dead, so I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed

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