Monday, May 11, 2009 :: Your Daily Jokes for - Monday, May 11th, 2009

Joke Master! Good Morning!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from for today!:

(Category: Miscellaneous)
Zek and Luke went to a trucking company to apply for a "Team" truck driving job. The personnel manager decided, after talking to them both that they weren't the sharpest knives in the drawer. He decides to interview them separately. He first interviews Zek. After 15 minutes he completes the interview. Zek barely passes. Next he interviews Luke. He begins by asking the usual transportation related questions. Luke also barely passes.

The personnel manager next interview them together. He presents them with this potential problem: Now Zek and Luke, lets say that you two are a driving team. One of you is driving the rig and the other is asleep in the back. You are going down this very steep hill with sixty thousand pounds of steel on the truck. All of a sudden your breaks go out and your speed is increasing. What would be the first thing you'd do ?

About a minute passes and there was no answer. Then, all of a sudden Luke spoke up.

"I know, I know, I know the first thing I'd do". The personnel manager says "yes Luke, what is the first thing you'd do?" Luke says, "I'd wake Zek up." The personnel manager replies, "WHAT ! "Why would wake Zek up ?"

Coos, says Luke, "He ain't never seen no big accident before!"

(Category: Miscellaneous)
A story I'll tell of a burglar bold

Who started to rob a house;

He opened the window, and then crept in

As quiet as a mouse.

He looked around for a place to hide,

'Till the folks were all asleep,

Then said he, "With their money

I'll take a quiet sneak."

So under the bed the burglar crept;

He crept up close to the wall;

He didn't know it was an old maid's room

Or he wouldn't have had the gall.

He thought of the money that he would steal,

As under the bed he lay;

But at nine o'clock he saw a sight

That made his hair turn gray.

At nine o'clock the old maid came in;

"I am so tired," she said;

She thought that all was well that night

So she didn't look under the bed.

She took out her teeth and her big glass eye,

And the hair from off her head;

The burglar, he had forty fits

As he watched from under the bed.

From under the bed the burglar crept,

He was a total wreck;

The old maid wasn't asleep at all

And she grabbed him by the neck.

She didn't holler, or shout or call,

She was as cool as a clam;

She only said, "The Saints be praised,

At last I've got a man!"

From under the pillow a gun she drew,

And to the burglar she said,

"Young man, if you don't marry me,

I'll blow off the top of your head!"

She held him firmly by the neck,

He hadn't a chance to scoot;

He looked at the teeth and the big glass eye,

And said, "Madam, for Pete's sake, shoot!"

(Category: Miscellaneous)
Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling
event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the American for
the gold medal. Before the final match, the American
wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now don't forget
all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost
a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you
do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're

The wrestler nodded in agreement. Now, to the match: The
American and the Russian circled each other several times
looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged
forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the
dreaded pretzel hold!

A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the
trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was
lost. He couldn't watch the ending.

Suddenly there was a horrible scream, and a resounding cheer
from the crowd. The trainer raised his eye just in time to
see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back hit
the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapsed on top
of him, getting the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the American
wrestler alone, he asks, "How did you ever get out of that
hold? No one has ever done it before!"

The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he
got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes
and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I
thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of
strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as
hard as I could. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you
bite your own balls!"

(Category: Girls vs. Boys)
What's the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

(Category: Miscellaneous)
Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1. No mind 2. No business.


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