Sunday, May 10, 2009 :: Your Daily Jokes for - Sunday, May 10th, 2009

Joke Master! Good Morning!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from for today!:

(Category: Funny Quotes)
Never murder a man when he's busy committing suicide.
- Woodrow Wilson

(Category: Dirty Jokes)
The Mortitian arrived at the Mortuary one morning and was aproached by his assistant.

"Anything interesting happen over-night", asked the mortitian. "Yes", replied the assistant, "The most gorgeous 18 year-old blond came in last night. Dead of course"

"What was the cause of death", enquired the mortition.

"I'm not sure",replied the assistant. "But she's got a Prawn stuck up her cunt!"

"Are you sure", said the Mortitian.

"Yes, come and have a look for yourself" ,said the assistant opening the body bag.

The mortitian closely examined the beautifuly trimmed snatch.

"That's not a prawn you stupid wanker", he responded, "That's her clitoris"

"Are you sure", said the assisitant, "'Cos it certainly tasted like a prawn".

(Category: Funny Quotes)
"Since I brought along two cases of well-joggled wine, my main problems will be food and sex. Not oddly, they're the same problems a lot of people have everywhere on Earth."
- Jim Harrison

(Category: Miscellaneous)
  1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers.
  2. Bandage left thumb.
  3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments
  4. Bandage left foot.
  5. Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand)
  6. Light Match
  7. Light Match
  8. Repeat "a scout is cheerful" and light match.
  9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire.
  10. Apply burn ointment to nose.
  11. When fire is burning, collect more wood.
  12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for more wood, soak wood from can labeled "kerosene."
  13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns.
  14. Re-label can to read "gasoline."
  15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood.
  16. When thunderstorm has passed, repeat steps.

      (Category: Funny Signs)
      In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
      You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.


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