Thursday, May 14, 2009 :: Your Daily Jokes for - Thursday, May 14th, 2009

Joke Master! Good Morning!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from for today!:

(Category: Dirty Jokes)
Have you heard the one about the . . . .

. . . executive who was so old that when he chased his secretary around the desk, he couldn't remember why.

(Category: Girls vs. Boys)
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

(Category: Miscellaneous)
A man comes to the gates of heaven. The guard sees that he is wearing a white shirt, has long payos and a beard. "You look like you belong here," he says, "tell me a vort and I'll let you in." So, the man tells him a nice d'var torah and is let in.

Next, a guy walks up with a tweed jacket, brown shoes, blue shirt, and gray straw hat.

"Are you sure you have the right place?" says the guard.

"Yep, I was told to come here," replies the man.

"All right, tell me a vort and I'll let you in." says the guard.

The man replies, "How about you tell me a vort, and I'll shlug you up"

(Category: Miscellaneous)
One day a lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his flashing lights. She thought to herself, "Uh-oh, what have I done now? I'm not speeding. I'm not drinking. I have my seat belt on! I have kept up my license dues and everything!"

So, she pulled over and the police car pulled over to the side right behind her car. She drove her car slowly to a stop, slowly rolled down the window, and prepared for a ticket when she knew she didn't deserve it. A policeman walked up to her window, and spoke to her. The lady pointed to her ear and shook her head, meaning she was deaf. The policeman smiled slightly, and knowing sign language, signed back, "I know. I'm here to tell you that your horn is stuck."

(Category: Nasty/Tasteless Jokes)
The ad in the paper from the Humane Society read:
"Over 25 puppies will be put to death if not adopted. Please Help"


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