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You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from Joke-Master.com for today!: |
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#1
(Category: Miscellaneous)
The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!" "I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my pocket." "Oh really" she spat."then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour."
#2
(Category: Miscellaneous)
Are you tired of all those mushy "friendship" poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a "friendship" poem that really speaks to true friendship and truth itself! Friend,
When you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
When you are blue, I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you smile, I'll know you finally got laid.
When you are scared, I will rag you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
When you are confused, I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
When you are sick, stay away from me until you're well again.
When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath, I pledge 'til the end.
Why you may ask? Because you're my friend! Send this poem to ten of your closest friends and get depressed because you realize you only have 2 friends, and one of them is not speaking to you right now anyway. P.S.
A friend will help you move.
A really good friend will help you move a body.
#3
(Category: Miscellaneous)
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.
#4
(Category: Animal Jokes)
Three male dogs: a Pit Bull, a German Shepherd and a Chihuahua, sat at the end of a bar downing a few drinks when a beautiful lady Collie walked in and sat at the opposite end. She noticed that they were drooling over her and offered them a deal. "If any of you can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a sentence that I like, I'll let you buy me a drink."
The male dogs started punching each other, feeling quite sure of themselves. The Pit Bull blurts out, "I like liver and cheese."
"No! How base!" snarls the lady Collie.
Then the Shepherd speaks up, "Liver and cheese make good food."
The Collie turns her head and says, "Ha! No good!"
Finally, the little Chihuahua crawls up on the bar and speaks,
"Liver alone, cheese mine!" He got to buy the lady the drink.
#5
(Category: Miscellaneous)
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalogue.
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