Thursday, February 11, 2010 :: Your Daily Jokes for - Thursday, February 11th, 2010

Joke Master! Good Morning!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from for today!:

(Category: Miscellaneous)
How to Hunt Elephants -- Math style Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left. Professors of mathematics prove the existence of at least one elephant and leave the capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for one of their graduate students. Sent by Alex

(Category: Animal Jokes)
Three mice are sitting around drinking and boasting about their strengths. The first mouse says "Mouse traps, Ha! I do pushups with the bar". The second mouse pulls a pill from his pocket, swallows it, and says with a grin "D-Con Rat Poison". The third mouse finishes his drink, slams his glass on the table and starts to leave. The first mouse says, "Where do you think you're going?

(Category: Miscellaneous)
You'll Know It's a No-Frills Airline If:

  1. They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.

  2. All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.

  3. Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.

  4. If you kiss the wing for luck before boarding, it kisses you back.

  5. You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.

  6. Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.

  7. The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.

  8. When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.

  9. The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.

  10. You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he sez, "Just once."

  11. No movie. Don't need one.

  12. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.

  13. You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane.

  14. All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.

(Category: Miscellaneous)
A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"

The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything."

"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient.

To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

(Category: Professional Jokes)
A medical student was in the morgue one day after classes, getting a little practice in before the final exams. He went over to a table where a body was lying face down. He removed the sheet over the body and to his surprise he found a cork in the corpse's rectum. Figuring this was fairly unusual, he pulled the cork out, and to his surprise, music began playing, "On the road again . . . Just can't wait to get on the road again . . . "

The student was amazed, and placed the cork back in the rectum. The music stopped. Totally freaked out, the student called the Medical Examiner over to the corpse.

"Look at this. This is really something!" the student told the examiner as he pulled the cork back out again.

"On the road again . . . Just can't wait to get on the road again . . ."

"So what?", the Medical Examiner replied, obviously unimpressed with the student's discovery.

"But isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?" asked the student.

"Are you kidding?" replied the Examiner, "Any asshole can sing country music."


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