Joke-Master.com :: Your Daily Jokes for - Thursday, February 4th, 2010

Good Morning GlobalEducation100@gmail.com! You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from Joke-Master.com for today!:

	#1 (Category: Miscellaneous) One joke that we did in residence was the Chinese Fire Drill, I don't quite know why it is called that. Anyway.. The victim is on the pot in the dorm washroom. Everyone grabs a bucket (we used the waste baskets from our rooms) and fills the buckets with water. Take a paper bag and set it on fire, toss it under the door into the stall. Yell fire as everyone tosses the water into the stall. Needless to say the fire as well as the victim get very wet. This one fellow in the house was hit a number of times and took to relieving himself in other locals. We followed him a couple of times and nailed him in many parts of the residence. Later of course we conspired with our victim to get back at the original instigator of the drill. The guy in the stall had a bucket of water, and when the the instigator tossed the bag in we all hit him. #2 (Category: Bar/Drinking Jokes) Two men are drinking in a bar. One turns to the other and says, "I bet you $100 that I can bite my eye." The second fellow thinks to himself, I guess he's had about enough, so he replies, "OK, you're on." The first man takes out his glass eye and bites it. So the second man has to pay. Awhile later the first man says, "I bet you $100 I can bite my other eye." The second man thinks, well, he can't have TWO glass eyes; he obviously can see. So he says, "All right, you're on." The second man promptly takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. #3 (Category: Miscellaneous) The sheriff of the small Kansas town pulled over a Porsche that was doing 75 miles per hour in a 35-mile an hour zone. The man behind the wheel, a Chicago commodities trader, was steaming. When he was finally brought before the local magistrate, he exploded, "I can't believe you stopped me. This town must be the asshole of the world!" The magistrate looked at him and replied, "And you must be what's passing through." #4 (Category: Miscellaneous) The Top Signs You're In A Bad Nursing Home Its named Heaven's Waiting Room. Cheap TV antenna can't pick up Xena: Warrior Princess. Defibrilator doubles as a remote control. Its named Matlock Manor. No furniture in it outside of beds and lots of caskets. Radio stations alternate between Glenn Miller and broadcasting Last Rites in every language known to man. You can't ring a nurse but you can page the attorney's office down the hall. Rectal thermometers made of wood. Two words: Community Bedpan. #5 (Category: Miscellaneous) NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGE It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the execution of their duties. Due to complaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with other employees. With this in mind, the Human Resources Department has compiled a list of code phrases so proper exchange of ideas/information can continue in an effective manner without risking offence to our more sensitive brethren. Old Phrase New Phrase 1. No fucking way I'm fairly sure that this is not feasible 2. Your fucking joking Really 3. Tell someone who gives a fuck Have you run that by................ 4. No cunt told me I was not involved in that project 5. I don't have the fucking time Perhaps I can work late 6. Who fucking cares Are you sure that is the problem 7. Eat shit and die You don't say 8. Eat shit and die motherfucker You don't say, Sir 9. Kiss my arse So you would like me to help you 10. He's a fucking prick He is somewhat insensitive 11. That's fucking bullshit I find that hard to believe 12. You haven't got a fucking clue You could benefit from more training 13. This place is fucked We are a little disorganised today 14. What sort of fucker are you You're new here aren't you? 15. Fuck off shit head Well there you go 16. You're a fucking wanker You're my manager and I respect you 17. Ha! Fuck you I wasn't there that day 18. This is bollocks We need to look into this some more 19. I aint got no cunt I am rather short of labour 20. Fuck off I'll look into that and get back to you

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