Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Joke-Master.com :: Your Daily Jokes for - Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

Joke Master! Good Morning GlobalEducation100@gmail.com!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from Joke-Master.com for today!:

(Category: One Liners)
I learned French in six easy liasons.

(Category: Miscellaneous)
A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it's his turn to be waited on. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and asked the dog what it wanted today. The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef, and the butcher said, "How many pounds?" The dog barked twice, so the butcher made a package of two pounds ground beef. He then said, "Anything else?" The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butcher said, "How many?" The dog barked four times, and the butcher made up a package of four pork chops. The dog walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could get at the purse and take out the appropriate amount of money before tying the two packages of meat around the dog's neck. The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow the dog. The dog walked for several blocks and then walked up to a house where it began to scratch the door to be let in. As the owner opened the door, the man called to the owner, "That's a really smart dog you have there." "He's not really all that smart," the owner replied. "This is the second time this week he forgot his key."

(Category: Miscellaneous)

Eddy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "You gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"A hundred dollars per visit."

"I'll sleep on it," said Eddy.

Six months later the doctor met Eddy on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."

"Is that so! How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

(Category: Animal Jokes)
In a recent issue of "Meat & Poultry" magazine, editors quoted from "Feathers," the publication of the California Poultry Industry Federation, telling the following story: It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing. They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.
The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation:
"Use a thawed chicken."

(Category: Miscellaneous)
  • Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime.

  • Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.

  • You may not fish on a camel's back.


  • Residents may not fish from a giraffe's back.


  • A person may not be seen in public without a smile on their face.

  • A law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless some are exhibited to public view."


    Thank you for subscribing to the Joke-Master.com Email List!

    If you wish to remove yourself from this list, please reply to this email with the subject line "REMOVE:"
    -The Joke Master

    No comments:

    Post a Comment