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You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from Joke-Master.com for today!: |
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#1
(Category: Miscellaneous)
The teacher walked into the classroom to find words like "cunt" and "cock" scrawled all over the blackboard. "Children," she said, addressing the classroom, "you are much too young to use vile language like that. Now we're all going to close our eyes and count up to fifty. Then, while our eyes are closed, I want the little boy or girl who wrote those words on the board to tiptoe up and erase them." At the signal, the teacher and the children all closed their eyes. Then the teacher counted out loud, very slowly. When she reached fifty, she said, "All right. Everybody open their eyes." All eyes went to the blackboard. None of the words were erased. But below them was the message: "Fuck you, teacher! The Phantom strikes again!"
#2
(Category: Blonde Jokes)
Did you hear about the girl who was so blonde that she tripped over a cordless phone?
#3
(Category: Miscellaneous)
Liz Taylor goes in to see her cosmetic surgeon. "I have met the man of my dreams, finally, the love of my life !" she announces to the surgeon, "But I need you to help me with a small problem. This man is only 18 years old, I am truly head over heels in love with him, and don't want to disappoint him in any way, so I want you to make my vagina look like that of an 18 year old." The surgeon tells Liz of the delicate situations involved with this operation, but does finally agree to performing the said operation. "But one thing" Liz says "you have to swear to me that no one knows about this operation, that no magazines or tabloids hear about it!" "I swear Liz" the surgeon replies. The big day arrives, Liz goes under the knife, the operation goes text book perfect and she is moved to a recovery room. Upon regaining consciousness, Liz's eyes focus on three huge floral arrangements at the foot of her bed. As the surgeon enters the room to check on her, Liz bursts into tears. "How could you do this to me !!! You swore that not a soul would hear of this operation!!! " "Now, now Liz, I didn't tell a soul. The first arrangement is from me. I've been your friend, as much as your surgeon for the past 10 years, I just wanted to make you feel good. The second arrangement is from the anesthesiologist, he's gay, he's one of your biggest fans, and I thought it was okay, since he's worked side by side with me on your operation." Liz's eyes gazed over to the third arrangement, pointing her finger ,"And who sent those?" "Oh yeah" the surgeon replied. "Those are from a guy in the burns unit, he wanted to thank you for his new ears".
#4
(Category: Miscellaneous)
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy.
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot
the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
#5
(Category: Miscellaneous)
Q: Why do men like masturbation?
A: It's sex with someone they love.
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