Wednesday, February 3, 2010 :: Your Daily Jokes for - Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010

Joke Master! Good Morning!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from for today!:

(Category: Miscellaneous)
10. Flash the big wads of tens and twenties you created with your color laser printer and top-notch graphics program.

9. Spend an evening playing floppy disks backward, listening for the secret messages about Satan.

8. Invite her back to your place to show her the etchings on your Newton MessagePad.

7. Let the lady go first when you reach the virtual reality escalator.

6. Serenade her with your MIDI-compatible drum pads.

5. Have your dinner illuminated by the soft glow of an active-matrix LCD panel.

4. If you're getting serious, consider a set of "his 'n' her" system unit keys.

3. Drive her crazy by murmuring tender love words with the help of a French-speaking voice synthesizer.

2. Never type on your date's laptop computer without permission, particularly if the system is on her lap.

1. When things get tough, simply ask yourself, "What would Bill Gates do in a situation like this?

(Category: One Liners)
History does not repeat itself, -- historians merely repeat each other.

(Category: Miscellaneous)
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you." Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes," said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiler 'Jesus'."

(Category: Blonde Jokes)
How do you drive a blonde crazy?

Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.

Why does it work?

"Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"

(Category: Miscellaneous)
Q: How many retarded Italian gardeners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, but don't expect results.

Q: How many European ballet dancers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they like Danzig in the dark.

Q: How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in, one to watch, and one to shoot the witness.

Q: How many Cornell students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two--one to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.

Note: Cornell is stereotyped as the most stressful of the Ivies.

Q: How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Seventy six-one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right not to change and twenty five to hold a counter protest.

Note : Columbia was the most politically active of the ivies back in the 1960s.

Q: How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None--New Haven looks better in the dark!

Note: If you have ever been to New Haven, you'll know it really does.

Q: How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One--and that's what his degree will be in!

Note: Because Brown has no real core curriculum.

Q: How many Penn students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, but he'll make sure it's on his resume.

Note: Penn is seen as being a little less academically rigorous than the others, and it's very preprofessional.


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-The Joke Master

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