Monday, January 18, 2010 :: Your Daily Jokes for - Monday, January 18th, 2010

Joke Master! Good Morning!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from for today!:

(Category: Miscellaneous)
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in June," he said, "and left me $10,000." "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died leaving me $50,000." "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad." "Then this month," continued, the friend, "nothing!"

(Category: Riddles)
Why do doctors spank newborns?

- To knock the weenies off the smart ones!

(Category: Miscellaneous)
What's a famous saying at a gay bar? May I push in your stool. Sent by Jeff

(Category: Miscellaneous)
A history joke
What was King Arthur's favourite game?
Knights and crosses!

A history joke
Where was the Declaration of Independance signed?
At the bottom!

A history joke
Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt?
Yes, the bible tells how Joseph served in Pharoah's court!

A history joke
Wish I had been born 1000 years ago!

Why is that?
Just think of all the history that I wouldn't have to learn!

A history joke
Did the Native Americans hunt bear!

Not in the winter!

(Category: Professional Jokes)
Three contractors were touring the white house on the same day. One was from New York, another from Missouri, and the third from Florida. At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living.

When they each replied that they were contractors the guard said "Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys look at it and give me a bid."

So to the back fence they went. First up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Next was the Missouri contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this Job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Then the guard asks the New York contractor how much. Without so much as moving the contractor says, $2700."

The guard, incredulous, looks at him and says "You didn't even measure like the guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy" says the contractor from New York, "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire the guy from Missouri."


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