Joke-Master.com :: Your Daily Jokes for - Friday, January 8th, 2010

Good Morning GlobalEducation100@gmail.com! You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from Joke-Master.com for today!:

	#1 (Category: Miscellaneous) A man walks into a bar with a smallish dog and sits at the rail. The bartender hurries over and tells him that the dog will have to go! The man replies that this is no ordinary dog! No, this is a talking dog. The bartender is about to throw both of them out when the dog says, "I just want a damn beer! Who do I have to kill to get a fricken beer around here?" The bartender is momentarily flustered but then he says, "Man, you are great ventriloquist but as I said I don't serve dogs!" The man says, "Tell you what buddy, put yer money where yer mouth is. I'll go to the can and we'll both put up 10 bucks. If the dog don't talk to ya you keep the money and we'll leave." Both men slap 10 bucks on the bar and our hero waddles off to the bathroom. The bartender stares at the dog for a minute and then the dog says, "Well am I gonna get my beer numbnuts?" The shocked bartender turns around to get the beer but when he turns back the dog is gone! A few minutes later the guy comes out of the bathroom and see his dog is missing! "Where is my dog!?!?!?!" The bartender shrugs and the man rushes out to find his valuable dog. He is searching frantically and finally he spots the dog way up at the end up dead end alley. When he gets closer he sees that the dog is grinding away behind a very bored looking but huge cat! The man says " Rex! What the hell are you doing? You NEVER did this before!" And the dog says, "well I never had 20 bucks before." #2 (Category: Miscellaneous) Washington state attorney season and bag limits 1300.01 GENERAL 1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys. 2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited. 3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash. 4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft. 5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys. 6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships. 7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys. 8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals. 9. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it. 10. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin. 11. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys. BAG LIMITS 1. Yellow Bellied Sidewinder 2 2. Two-faced Tort Feasor 3 3. Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator 5 4. Big-mouthed Pub Gut 2 5. Honest Attorney EXTINCT 6. Cut-throat 2 7. Back-stabbing Whiner 2 8. Brown-nosed Judge Kisser 2 9. Silver-tongued Drug Defender $100 bounty #3 (Category: Marriage Jokes) A husband was having great difficulty getting along with his wife #4 (Category: Miscellaneous) Top Signs You're At A Bad Motel The "complimentary" paper tells you that President Kennedy has died. The mint on the pillow starts moving when you come close to it. The "magic fingers vibration" is supplied by giving a quarter to the town epileptic. There is still some stuff that they put around crime scenes that is yellow The pictures are not placed for decoration but to cover up recent bullet holes. You have to wait until the guy next door is done with the towel so you can use it. There's a chalk outline in the bed when you pull back the covers. The desk clerk has to move the body in order to get some ice for you. The Only TV station you can get is a porno channel with roseanne on it. The wake up call comes courtesy of police helicopter. #5 (Category: Marriage Jokes) Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out the door on his way the office. At 10 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opens the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long-stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil-wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrive. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman shouldn

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