Saturday, January 16, 2010 :: Your Daily Jokes for - Saturday, January 16th, 2010

Joke Master! Good Morning!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from for today!:

(Category: Miscellaneous)
How do you get a one armed MAN out of a tree? Wave at him.

(Category: Miscellaneous)
Selections From the Scholastic Aptitude Preparatory Test (the S.A.P.) ENGLISH 1. Which of the following is the correct answer to this question? a. b. c. d. e. none of the above 2. ingot:bleak :: ingot:_______ a. tepid b. gold c. oak d. bolonga e. bleak 3. pork:algae :: green:_______ a. six b. five c. ten d. marble e. red 4. mugger:park :: king:_______ a. castle b. burger c. queen d. Jacuzzi e. bleak READING COMPREHENSION Read the following carefully and answer the questions below. In addition to the obvious effects of solar activity on the upper atmosphere, some scientists contend that it also affects the weather. These contentions, however, are for the most part unconfirmed and some are very dubious. Even further afield, a British researcher on epidemiology claimed last year that "the periods of world dominance of successive major subtypes of influenza virus have synchronized closely with the periodicity of sunspots." Correlatons of biomedical phenomenon with solar activity, such as this one, are generally not taken seriously by most Western scintists. Many researchers in the Soviet Union, however, do believe in such possibilites, including even a correlation of sunspots with outbreaks of plague-spreading rodents in central Asia. 1. In what lanuage is the British researcher speaking? a. Japanese b. Urdu c. Bengali d. British e. Media 2. The term "most Western" means a. Hawaii b. John Ford's longest film c. nothing d. correct 3. A conclusion that could be drawn from this passage is a. Russian scientists are idiots and Russia is full of rats b. The sun has sunspots c. Don't ask a question of a British researcher if you want an answer d. all of the above MATHEMATICS 1. Which of the following is a number? a. blue b. Jacques Cousteau c. watermelon d. John Doe e. 5 2. If Juan is fourteen and weighs 150 pounds, and Grover is nine and weighs 70 pounds, what is the probability that Juan can get anything he wants from Grover? a. 0% b. 100% c. a and b d. a only e. b only 3. Delbert McBumm wants to pawn a hundred-dollar watch. The pawnbroker gives him eleven dollars for it and then sells it for a hundred and twenty-five. What was the relative rate of mark-up in the watch in relation to half of its worth, if the worth is calculated at three-quarters the difference between the pawnbrokers's offer and 78% of Delbert's assessment of the watch's value? a. 100 b. 50 c. 75 d. 115 e. none of the above /\50 6/\ 5. Calculate the shaded area 6/ \__/ \2 of the figure at the right. / 2 | a. 0 b. 50% c. c only \ /\ | d. the answer is a 9\ /7 \ |10 e. go back, it's a \/ 8\__| 6. Grant McSwine is a repairman. If he tells Mr. White that it will take him about 10 hours to do a specific job, how long will it really take him? a. six weeks b. half an hour c. about three hundred dollars longer d. not enough information because the type of repair is not indicated QUANTITATIVE COMPARISON In the following questions you are asked to compare two quantities. These quantities may be equal, or one may be bigger, or neither. On your answer sheet choose a if b is bigger, choose b if a and b are equal, choose c if a is bigger, choose d if neither one is bigger, choose e if both are bigger, choose f if the answer cannot be determined from the information given, choose g if you have no idea. a. 2 b. 15 a. the area of a circle b. the area of a square whose area is 10 whose area is 10 a. my dad b. your dad a. New York City b. Limpid, Iowa a. something b. nothing a. a mountain b. a molehill

(Category: One Liners)
His home is free of mice and cockroaches -- they refuse to live in the same place as him.

(Category: Ethnic Jokes)
A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill in the Highlands. They had been silent for a while; then the lass said, "A penny for your thoughts." The lad was a bit abashed, but he finally said, "Well, I was thinkin' how nice it would be if ye'd give me a wee bit of a kiss." So she did so. But he again lapsed into a pensive mood which lasted long enough for the lass to ask him, "What arre ye thinkin' now?" To which the lad replied:

"Well, I was hopin' ye hadn't forgot the penny!"

(Category: Funny Quotes)
So it goes

- Kurt Vonnegut


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