Sunday, July 19, 2009 :: Your Daily Jokes for - Sunday, July 19th, 2009

Joke Master! Good Morning!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from for today!:

(Category: Religious Jokes)
The first Jewish President of the United States calls his mother in Queens and invites her to come down for Chanukah.

She says, "I'd like to, but it's so much trouble... I mean, I have to get a cab to the airport, and I hate waiting on Queens Boulevard..."

He replies, "Mom! I'm the President! You won't need a cab - I'll send a limousine for you!"

His mother replies, "I know, but then I'll have to get my ticket at the airport, and try to get a seat on the plane, and I hate to sit in the's just too much trouble."

He replies, "Mom! I'm the President of the United States! I'll send Air Force One for you - it's my private jet!"

To which she replies, "Oh, well, but then when we land, I'll to carry my luggage through the airport, and try to get a's really too much trouble."

He replies, "Mom!! I'm the President! I'll send a helicopter for you! You won't have to lift a finger."

She answers, "Yes, that's nice...but, you know, I still need a hotel room, and the rooms are so expensive, and I really don't like the rooms..."

Exasperated, he answers, "Mom! I'm the President! You'll stay at the White House!"

She responds, "Well...all right...I guess I'll come."

The next day, she's on the phone with her friend Betty.

Betty: "Hello, Sylvia... So nu, what's new?"

Sylvia: "I'm visiting my son for Thanksgiving!"

Betty: "The doctor?"

Sylvia: "No ... the other one."

(Category: Miscellaneous)
George W. Bush was passing through an airplane terminal and he noticed an old man in a long white robe, with a long white beard, long white hair and carrying two stone tablets in his arms.
He approached the man and asked reverently, "Aren't you Moses?"

But the man wouldn't listen to him and continued walking. George asked him again, ''Aren't you Moses?''

The old man continued ignoring him, even turning his back on little Bush. George grabs the man's arm, looks him right in the eye and insists, "Answer me -- Aren't you Moses?"

The man replies, "I'm not saying a thing! The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up roaming the desert for 40 years!"

(Category: Dirty Jokes)
Two eskimos, a big one and a little one, go to their local Alaskan convent with a question. The big one nudges the little one and says, "Go ahead, knock on the door, knock on the door."

The Mother Superior answers the door. Again, the big eskimo nudges the little one and says, "Go ahead, ask her the question, ask her the question."

The little eskimo timidly says, "May we speak with the midget nun that lives here please?"

The Mother Superior answers, "There are no midget nuns living here."

The big eskimo starts nudging the little one again and says, "Go ahead, ask her the other question, ask her the other question."

The little eskimo asks in a quavering voice, "Well. Are there any midget nuns in Alaska?"

The Mother Superior responds uncertainly, "Why no, I don't believe so."

With this the big eskimo falls down and rolls on the ground, clutching his belly as he laughs uncontrollably. "See", he says to the little eskimo, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"

(Category: Miscellaneous)
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

(Category: Miscellaneous)
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in a lift with the Spice girls.


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