Monday, July 6, 2009 :: Your Daily Jokes for - Monday, July 6th, 2009

Joke Master! Good Morning!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from for today!:

(Category: Ethnic Jokes)
Do you know why they have a bucket of shit at an [ethnic] wedding?
- To keep the flies off of the bride.

(Category: Miscellaneous)

You're so fat that you bleed chocolate milk.

(Category: Miscellaneous)
A wizard joke
What happened to the stupid wizard who put in his false teeth back to front?
He ate himself!

A wizard joke
What do you call a wizard lying in the gutter?

A witch joke
Why do witches have stiff joints?
They get broomatism!

A wizard joke
What happened to the wizard who brushed his teeth with gunpowder?
He kept shooting his mouth off!

A witch joke
What's evil and ugly and goes up and down all day?
A witch stuck in a lift!

A witch joke
Why didn't the witch sing at the concert?
Because she had a frog in her throat!

A witch joke
What do you get if you cross a witch and an iceberg?
A cold spell!

(Category: Dirty Jokes)
One day Pete was complaining to his friend "my elbow hurts. I better see a doctor". His friend said "Don't do that. There's a computer in the drug store that can diagnose anything. It's quicker and cheaper than visiting a doctor. Simply put a urine sample in the machine and it will diagnose your problem and tell you what to do about it. It only costs $10.00."

Pete figured he had nothing to lose so he filled a jar with a urine sample. He went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited $10.00. The computer started to make a weird nose and various lights began to flash. After a brief pause, a small slip of paper printed. It said:

You have tennis elbow.  Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor, it will be better in two weeks. 

Later that evening, while thinking how amazing that computer was, Pete began to wonder if it could be fooled. He decided to give it a try.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masterbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, poured the sample into the machine and deposited $10.00. The machinhe again made the usual noise and printed out the following analysis:

 Your water is hard, get a softener.   Your dog has worms,  get him shots.   Your daughter's using cocaine, get her into a rehab clinic.   Your wife's pregnant, it's not yours, get a lawyer.   And if you don't stop jerking off,  Your tennis elbow will never get better! 

(Category: Blonde Jokes)
What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?

A padded headboard.


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