Sunday, July 12, 2009 :: Your Daily Jokes for - Sunday, July 12th, 2009

Joke Master! Good Morning!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from for today!:

(Category: Girls vs. Boys)
Ralph and Norris went bear hunting in Montana. While Ralph stayed in the cabin, Norris went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him. His rifle jammed, so he dropped it and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.

Now Norris was pretty fleet of foot, but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as Norris reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

Norris man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!"

(Category: Murphy's Law)

There are two kinds of adhesive tape:

that which won't stay on and that which won't come off.

(Category: Nasty/Tasteless Jokes)
A homeless person walks into a bar. He asks the barman for a cocktail stick. The barman, being a nice guy, gives the man a cocktail stick. The guy thanks him and leaves.

A couple of minutes later, another homeless guy comes in and asks for a cocktail stick. The barman, getting rather confused gives him one and watches him leave.

Another homeless guy comes in and asks for the same thing.

A fourth homeless guy comes in and asks for a straw. The barman asks "Don't you want a cocktail stick like all the others?"

The homeless guy says "No thanks. Someone was sick outside and all the lumpy bits have gone!"

(Category: One Liners)
Did you hear about the chicken that wanted to take ballet lessons?

(Category: Funny Quotes)
1. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
3. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
4. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
5. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
6. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral
7. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh no, motion sickness!"
8. Meow occasionally.
9. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
10. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."


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