#1
(Category: Miscellaneous)
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane.
The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave.
The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off;
The blonde is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.
The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section.
The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat.
The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."
#2
(Category: Animal Jokes)
Rabbit resuscitation... A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it." The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to he car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 meters away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50 meters, turned, waved, and hopped another 50 meters. The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, " What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: " 'Hare Spray' Restores Life to Dead Hare. Ads Permanent Wave."
#3
(Category: Miscellaneous)
This woman is visiting in Israel and notices that her little travel alarm needs a battery. She looks for a watch repair shop and while she doesn't read Hebrew she finally sees a shop with clocks and watches in the window. She goes in and hands the man her clock. The man says, "Madam, I don't repair clocks. I am a Mohel. I do circumcisions." She says, "Why all the clocks in the window?" And he says, "And what should I have in my window?"
#4
(Category: Miscellaneous)
A little girl was walking along a beach in California when she came across a man with no clothes on and just a newspaper covering his genitals. The little girl said, "What do you have under that newspaper, Mister?" The man said, "Nothing, it's just a bird, now go away!" The man thought nothing of her and quickly fell asleep. Hours later, the man woke up in a hospital bed in excrutiating pain. "Where the hell am I?" A doctor replied, "Someone called 9-1-1 and said you needed emergency help, so we rushed you right over." "Well, what the hell happened to me?" "We don't know, son. Do you remember anything unusual happening to you today?" The man said, "Well, there was a little girl bugging me just before I fell asleep." The doctor sent someone to the beach to see if the little girl was still there, and she was. The person said, "Do you know what happened to that nice man you saw here earlier?" "Well," the little girl said, "I started to play with that nice little bird that he had and the damn thing spit on me. So, I wrung its neck, broke its eggs, and set its nest on fire!"
#5
(Category: Religious Jokes)
Sister Mary Cathrine was driving through a bad part of town, with Sister Mary Margaret in the passenger seat. While stopped at a red light, a mugger jumped onto the hood of their car. Sister Mary Cathrine was sure that the mugger would leave them alone, if only he knew they were nuns. "Show him your cross" she said to Mary Margaret. Whereupon, Mary Margaret leaned out of the car window and yelled "Get off our God damn car!"
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