Monday, October 12, 2009 :: Your Daily Jokes for - Monday, October 12th, 2009

Joke Master! Good Morning!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from for today!:

(Category: Miscellaneous)
There was an Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman. They all worked on the top of a cliff and the Englishman said,

(Category: Miscellaneous)
Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."

Immediately the husband drove downtown to accuse the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before the could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to myside of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels - the phone is till ringing - when I came up cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up, I finally got back to answer it."

The pharmacist continues "It was your wife - she wanted to know how to use a rectalthermometer. Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!!!"

(Category: Miscellaneous)
Two men were having an awfully slow round of golf because the
two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand
trap, lake, and rough on the course. They didn't bother to
wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.

After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, "I think
I'll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through."
He walked out the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped,
turned around, and came back, explaining, "I can't do it. One
of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress! Maybe
you'd better go talk to them."

The second man walked toward the ladies, got halfway there and,
just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked
back and said: "Small world."

(Category: Dirty Jokes)
Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel bar, they're dazzled by two hookers and wind up taking them to their separate rooms.

The first dwarf gets his woman upstairs, but is soon disappointed, however, because he is too nervous to perform. Worse yet, his depression is increased by the fact that, from the next room, he hears loud cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE...UGGHHH!" all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first answered, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't do it."

The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing... I couldn't even get up on to the bed!"

(Category: Elderly Jokes)
Her minister told an eighty-year-old woman that, at her age, she should be giving some thought to what he called


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