Friday, October 16, 2009 :: Your Daily Jokes for - Friday, October 16th, 2009

Joke Master! Good Morning!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from for today!:

(Category: Blonde Jokes)
On a flight from New York to Paris, soon after take-off the pilot announces: "I'm sorry, but we have lost one of our engines. Subsequently, we will arive in Paris approximately half an hour late."

A few minutes later, he comes on again:

"Hate to dissapoint you folks, but another engine is down. Don't panic - we've still got two going, but now we'll be about 2 hours late."

After another few minutes, he comes on again:

"Look, I am really sorry about this, but somehow we have lost our third engine. Still nothing serious to worry about, but we will be about five hours late to Paris."

After hearing this, the blonde turns to the guy sitting next to him and remarks,

"If we lose the other one, we'll be up here all night."

(Category: Murphy's Law)

An old car that has served you so well will continue to serve you until you have just put four new tires under it and then it will fall apart.

(Category: Miscellaneous)
She was young, she was beautiful, she was married - and she was with her lawyers seeking a divorce.

"What are the grounds?" said the lawyer.

"Well, after a year of marriage, I'm still a virgin," she replied.

Looking at her, the lawyer found that hard to understand. "What are the circumstances?" he asked.

"Well," she said, "I'm married to an IBM salesman. He's a good provider, works hard, works late."

This did not seem a promising start and the lawyer indicated accordingly.

"But," she continued, "every evening when he comes home he sits at the end of the bed and tells me how good it's going to be - and then he falls asleep."

(Category: Miscellaneous)
Things Adults Learn From Kids:

  1. There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.

  2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

  3. A 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

  4. 4 If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.

  5. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

  6. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

  7. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

  8. When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

  9. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

  10. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

  11. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's already too late.

  12. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

  13. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

  14. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

  15. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes.

  16. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.

  17. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.

  18. Duplos will not.

  19. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

  20. Super glue is forever.

  21. McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.

  22. Ditto Tarzan.

  23. No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

  24. Pool filters do not like Jello.

  25. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

  26. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

  27. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

  28. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

  29. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

  30. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

  31. The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time.

  32. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.

  33. It will however make cats dizzy.

  34. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

  35. Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry.

  36. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).

(Category: Funny Quotes)
A drink a day keeps the shrink away.
- Edward Abbey


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