Friday, August 28, 2009 :: Your Daily Jokes for - Friday, August 28th, 2009

Joke Master! Good Morning!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from for today!:

(Category: Miscellaneous)
Yo momma's so fat...

When she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials

(Category: Religious Jokes)
Hear about the Amish couple that was getting a divorce after 55 years of marriage?

The wife told the judge that her husband was "driving her buggy!"

(Category: Miscellaneous)
A Second Opinion A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too." The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650." "$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man.... "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

(Category: Miscellaneous)

A guy was watching over his kid for nightly prayers.

The kid says, "Goodnight Mommy, Daddy, Grandpa, and goodbye Grandma."

The next day the Grandma dies. The guy thinks this is really weird. That night, the kid says "Goodnight Mommy, Daddy, and goodbye Grandpa" The next day the Grandpa dies.

The father is like this is really weird. That night the kid says, "Goodnight Mommy, and goodbye Daddy."

The father freaks. He's all like I'm gonna die. So the next day he goes to work really slowly and carefully, and is nice to everyone at work. at the end of the day, he drives home really carefully and collapses into a chair.

He says," Honey, can you get me a cup of coffee? I've had a really bad day. She says YOU'VE had a bad day! I found the mailman dead on the doorstep!

(Category: Miscellaneous)
A man takes his Rottweiler to the veterinarian. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."

The vet picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he sighs, and says "I'm going to have to put him down."

"What!," the owner screams. "Because he's cross-eyed!?"

"No, because he's bloody heavy."


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