Thursday, December 31, 2009 :: Your Daily Jokes for - Thursday, December 31st, 2009

Joke Master! Good Morning!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from for today!:

(Category: Miscellaneous)
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says,

"What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers,

"My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Forget it, man-you don't stand a chance of hitting her from here!"

(Category: Miscellaneous)
I guys car breaks down in the middle of town,and he looks for a hotel to stay in while he waits for his car to get fixed. He finds a very small Hotel and walks in.

He asked the guy at the counter, "Do you have any rooms avalible?"

The guy at the counter says, "Ya, but don't stick you dick in the 3 holes."

"OK." The guy agrees and walks to his room."A couple of days go by and his car is still in the shop. He gets courious and sticks his dick in the first hole. He says,"AWW,that feels good!" Then he sticks his dick in the second hole,"Aww,that feels even better!" Then he sticks his dick in the third hole,"OWCH!!My dick!!"

He quickly pulled his dick out and it was all bloody.He was very confused but he went to sleep. The next day he went to the counter to see what was in the holes? But before he could ask anything the guy at the counter said,"You stuck you dick in the three holes didn't you?"

He said,"Ya,how did you know?"The guy at the counter said,"Well, my wife is pregnant,my daughter is pregnant, and my pencil sharpener is broken.

(Category: Professional Jokes)
What do you call an anesthesiologist who shows up for work wearing a rabbit suit?
An ether bunny!

(Category: Nerd Jokes)
One of our project teams hired a new PhD recently, so they took him over to our place to visit, and ask questions. At one point, he needed to known the diameter of one of our transducers, but we didn't know it.

The draftsman hands the scientist a vernier-style caliper. The scientist looks at it for a moment, sees that it has inches and millimeters marked off on it, then proceeds to hold the transducer up to the scaled part of the caliper in an attempt to eyeball it.

I practically spit out the water I was drinking. "Pete," I said, "You gave a caliper to a scientist? What are you thinking?"

Peter looked at the scientist's plight and said, "Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to give you this." And he reached into his desk drawer to pull out a 6inch, neon pink ruler that said "Chuck E. Cheese" on it.

The scientist said, "That's what I need!" and promptly measured the transducer.

[Peter would like me to add that the (relatively cheap) caliper cost about $80. The ruler cost 32 tickets at Chuck E. Cheese.]

(Category: Miscellaneous)
Osama bin Laden and one of his followers were riding on a camel when they stopped at a small town.

Bin Laden got off the camel and lifted up its tail and looked at the camel's butt.

Just then a guy came over and said, "What are you doing?"

Osama replied, "About 2 miles back I heard someone say, 'Hey, look at the two assholes on that camel.'"


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