Monday, September 7, 2009 :: Your Daily Jokes for - Monday, September 7th, 2009

Joke Master! Good Morning!
You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from for today!:

(Category: Miscellaneous)
Q: Know why Bryant Gumbel left NBC?
A: He was tired of all the back-biting!

(Category: Miscellaneous)

Seventy-two different functions in one compact pocket model -- THE KNIFE, of finest French underground steel. Unfold it bit by bit: it's a hacksaw, a double-edged hatchet, a portable wireless, even a lavatory, all in an instant! Flick the appropriate blade, and voila! You have a vegetable scraper and pineapple corer. Plus all the standard features you expect in such a knife: scissors, nail file and escargot extractor. Our newest model features a complete set of tools for wilderness survival: car jack, socket wrenches and lug nut remover. What more can we say? It's all here in one clever, compact model, featuring elegant, versatile chrome and black enamel finish. TOTAL COST: $29.95, includes 72 multi-purpose functions and accessories. SHIPPING WEIGHT: 45 lbs.

(Category: Miscellaneous)
This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, "I'll be home in an hour." "Perfect," she replies. The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife? She calls him on the phone and she says, "Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour and a half." The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. "What should I do?" he asks. The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?" "Yes" the man replied. "Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said the Doctor. The man then replied with dismay, "But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper..."

(Category: Miscellaneous)
Boy: Those clothes are very becoming on you! Girl: Why thank you! Boy: Of course, if I was on you...I would becoming too!

(Category: Miscellaneous)
Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following words: orange... mother... vacation... apple... I'll get back to you with my diagnosis as soon as possible.


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