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You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from Joke-Master.com for today!: |
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#1
(Category: One Liners)
Cats are smarter than dogs. You cannot get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
#2
(Category: Miscellaneous)
As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.
As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose."
#3
(Category: Work Jokes)
A small community had a fire and the local volunteer fire department. Well, the fire was just too big so they called for mutual aid from their neighboring town. Their fire truck came zooming by the local one and went right down the hill and parked right next to the fire. The fire fighters jumped out of the truck and feverishly went to work putting out the fire. The paint on the truck was bubbling, as they were so close. But soon they had the fire under control. After the fire was out, the local town's people were so impressed with the work the neighboring fire department did that they decided to give them a reward. The mayor presented the fire chief with a check for $3,000. Then he asked the chief what he was going to do with the money. The chief replied, " Well, the first thing I am going to do is fix the brakes on that fire truck."
#4
(Category: Dirty Jokes)
An virginal young lady (let's call her Madonna) goes to visit her girl friend in the clinic, who has just given birth to her first child. During the course of their conversation, Madonna mentions the fact that while she too would like to have a baby, she didn't exactly know how to proceed. The young mother is very helpful, and fills out an itemized list on the how-tos of becoming pregnant: - Get all dressed up in the slinkiest dress you can find
- Go to (substitute your favorite nightclub)
- etc...
Madonna scrupulously follows her friend's instructions, and sure enough, finds herself guided into the men's room at the nightclub. Her only problem is that the young man is a safe sex advocate and uses a rubber to consummate the act, and she being inexperienced is unaware of this obstacle. Once consummated he takes off the rubber and flushes it down the toilet. Madonna: Gee honey, what do yo want to call our child? Young man: (looks at the toilet, and then adresses Madonna) Well, if he gets out of this one, we'd better call him Houdini...
#5
(Category: Miscellaneous)
A cowboy steps in to a saloon, and says to the bartender "A double whiskey for my horse." "And for you?" the bartender asks. "Nothing, I'm driving."
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