#1
(Category: Miscellaneous)
A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable.The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful. The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone,"the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one willbe able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow." "We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone." "Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune." "And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed. "No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."
#2
(Category: Miscellaneous)
A couple of old guys were golfing when one said he was going to Dr. Taylor for a new set of dentures in the morning.
His friend remarked that he had gone to the same dentist a few years before. "Is that so?" the first said. "Did he do a good job?"
"Well, I was on the course yesterday when the fellow on the ninth hole hooked a shot," he said. "The ball most have been going 200 mph when it hit me in the stomach. That," he added, "was the first time in two years my teeth didn't hurt."
#3
(Category: Dirty Jokes)
How do you stop a Pit Bull humping your leg? Give it a blow job.
#4
(Category: Miscellaneous)
They say that when a man holds a woman
#5
(Category: Miscellaneous)
It was the final examination for a Calculus course at the University Of Minnesota. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 600 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. Half an hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet. "You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet." "Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. Just about half an hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there. "No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?" he said. "No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice. "Do you know who I am?" the student asked again. "No, and I don't care," replied the professor with an air of superiority. "Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.
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