Joke-Master.com :: Your Daily Jokes for - Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009

Good Morning GlobalEducation100@gmail.com! You are being blessed with the gift of laughter! Here are your 5 random jokes from Joke-Master.com for today!:

	#1 (Category: One Liners) The world does not revolve on an axis. #2 (Category: Miscellaneous) A man walks into a bar and walks up to the bar and sits down. He notices a big bowl sitting on the table behind the counter that full of $20.00 bills. He says to the bartender... "Hey, Whats the deal with the bowl of $20.00 bills?" The Bartender says "That's our little contest. If you win the contest then you get the bowl of $20.00 bills." "OK" says the man. "How do I get into this contest?" "Well" said the bartender, "You have to put $20.00 in the bowl to enter, and then there are 3 things that you have to do." "What are these things?" said the man. "Well first" the bartender said, "You see that bouncer over there in the corner? You have to walk over there and knock him out with one punch." "Wow", said the man. "I'm a pretty small guy, I don't know if I could do that. Ok, what's the second thing?" "OK", said the bartender. "The second thing you have to do is this. You see that door over there? Behind it is a huge pitbull that has a bad tooth. You have to go back in there and pull that tooth out of the pitbull's mouth." "Jesus", said the man. "That sounds like a lot. I don't think I could do that. Just for kicks, what's the third thing?" "Well", said the bartender, "The last thing is this.... Upstairs in room 3 is an old woman that hasn't had any in a long time. You would have to go up there and have your way with her." "Wow", said the man... "This is too much for anyone... Let me have a drink." After about 5 drinks the man starts to feel differently about the contest and turns to the bartender and says "Hey buddy, I'd like to try this contest." He then throws a $20.00 bill into the bowl, gets up, walks over to the bouncer and decks him with one punch. The bouncer was out cold. The bartender looks on in amazement. The man then heads over to the room where the pitbull is and goes in the door and closes it behind him. Loud screaming and barking can be heard throughout the bar, and finally the man walks out the door, bloody and clothes torn. He looks at the bartender and says "OK, now where's that broad with the bad tooth?" #3 (Category: Nasty/Tasteless Jokes) Why does Helen Keller wear tight pants? - So people can read her lips. #4 (Category: Miscellaneous) There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally became pregnant, and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?" The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time"! #5 (Category: Miscellaneous) Humorous Computer-Related Acronyms IBM I Blame Microsoft Idiots Buy Me Idiots Building Machines I'll Buy Macintoshes It Bit Me It Built Microsoft It's Better Manually I've Been Mislead I've Been Mugged WINDOWS Well, It Never Does Operate With Speed When I Need Data Output Without Speed While Idle, Needs DX or WorkStation Will Install Needless Data On Whole System WIN Whoppingly Immense NOP Worm Infestation Netware MS-WINDOWS NT / WINDOWS NT My Solitaire With Its New De-accelerator, Only With Some Network Technology Well Intended, Netword De-accelerator, Only Works Sometimes, Never Totally WINDOWS (as a) Network Trojan Different Operating Systems Expectations Macintosh: What You See Is What You Get MS-DOS: You Asked For It, You Got It UNIX: IfUHv2sk, UDntWnt2Kno VMS: You Got It, All Of It, Want It Or Not Random Abbreviations for Many Computer Companies APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity DEC: Dump Everything and Close DEC: Do Expect Cuts HCL: Hilarious Computer Logic HP: Hot Pursuit IBM: I Blame Microsoft MAC: Most Absurd Computer MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers NEXT: Now EXchange for Trash OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too. WARP: What A Rot Program Acronymns for Other Computer Terms: AMIGA: A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction BASIC: Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language DOS: Defective Operating System ISDN: It Still Does Nothing LISP: Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms PENTIUM: Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics SCSI: System Can't See It WWW: World Wide Wait

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