#1
(Category: Entertainment Jokes)
Mr. Johnson was overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
He said;
#2
(Category: Blonde Jokes)
A blonde is just a readhead that has had the fire f**ked out of her.
#3
(Category: Girls vs. Boys)
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket." The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea....let's pretend we're married." "Why not," giggles the woman. "Good", he replies. "Get your own damn blanket."
#4
(Category: Miscellaneous)
An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, "Only a little while." The American then asked why he didn't stay out longer and catch more fish. The Mexican said that he had enough to support his family's immediate needs. The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?" The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life, se
#5
(Category: Miscellaneous)
A drunk walked into a tavern, sat down at the bar. He placed a small cardboard box on the bar, and ordered a beer.
When the beer came, he opened the box, pulled out a tiny piano and bench and set them on the bar, then ordered another beer.
When the beer came, he reached into the box, pulled out a frog, sat him on the piano bench and said, "PLAY".
The frog immediately began to play the piano. It played all the favorites, and some classical and then launched into contemporary jazz.
The man ordered another beer, and when it came he reached into the cardboard box and pulled out a little white mouse.
He set this mouse on top of the piano and said "SING".
The frog began to play the piano and the mouse began to sing, first some 'oldies but goodies', then all of the current favorites.
A man at the bar who was watching all of this approached the man and offered to buy this little outfit that the man had.
After a bit of negotiating, the man drunk agreed to sell it to the man for $500. The man gathered everything into the little cardboard box and ran out the door before the drunk could change his mind.
The bartender had been watching all of this goings on and said to the drunk "You damned old fool! You just sold that little outfit you had for $500 and you could have made millions off of it!"
The drunk laughed heartily and replied "I am not the fool, the guy who bought it is. Do you really think I would have sold that if that mouse could really sing?"
The bartender responded "What do you mean, I stood right here and listened to that mouse sing!" "The joke is on you and the guy who bought that outfit my friend ", chuckled the drunk. "That mouse can't sing. The frog is a ventriloquist!"
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